Alles Gute

This is the day when you came into to this world, its the day when I saw your face for the first time. You were wrapped into a bundle with warm cotton folds and seemed to me like the morning dew wrapped in layers of flower petals. Your eyes closed, with lavish eyelashes, the red nose with which you were breathing for the first time, your skin still covered with layers of your mom's protection that kept you safe for the first few months, made you look like a work of art which sprouts countless emotions that I did not even know existed.

Every year on this day, no matter how many years passes by, I will still remember the baby whose hands held my finger, never to let it go, whose head rested so perfectly in my palms, whose chest rested on my shoulders to burp after a feed, who found chest of his father more comfortable to the softness of the bed.

Happy Birthday son...for the years past and many more years to come !!

Cherie forever

You were far, but never from my heart
Not in sight, but we never grew apart
I thought of you many times with a smile on my face
Now you gone leaving love as your trace

Thank you dear for all the joy and fun
I hope I gave you some too in return
Thanks to her who brought you and me together
In this cruel world you made our lives better

Hope you have a nice journey ahead
Keep spreading love like you always do
My hairy fluffy smelly baby

Cherie, I will miss you forever and ever

An angry feeling

Have you felt some times, that you want to smash an object, slap someone hard, punch a bag, kick a piece of junk or just want to cry but dont know the reason why. Lately, I get this feeling a lot. A pressing sense of anger, an anger on the inability to change things, an anger on not able to show my anger. Its a parasite within you, living on you and eating you up.

But hey, there are many ways to calm yourself down, many ways to kick the parasite out of the system. There are ways to solve the problem when you know exactly what the problem is. When you are just dealing with a range of impulse not knowing from where or for what not, its coming, its hard to pin point. You cant fight a war with your eyes folded. But at least, its better to acknowledge that I am at war. An emotional war.

How to fight an war with your emotions ? If I knew the answer, I would probably not have written this blog. I know the answer lies within, but I am still searching for a way to find it. An answer that will have the power to heal/destroy everything that erodes you from within. I somehow think that if I am able to convince my mind to be conscious of the situation that brings up such feelings, I will be able to untie the knot on my eye and see the soldiers and actually start fighting and someday win the war. Or at least to sign a peace treaty. I hope that day comes soon before significant damage can be done.

But for now, I will just put this laptop aside, collect some glasses and go to the junkyard !!

Hanging by a thread

There's a thread that stops me
Let's me hang on to everything I know
Abyss invites me, but the thread blinds me
Doesn't let me close my door

The thread is like silk
Hard and shiny, sharp and tiny
Touches you like cotton
Cuts you like a knife
Wants me to be a caterpillar
And not a mayfly

Hold my finger, show me the way

There is a feeling, a sense of awe, a burst of joy, a volcano of love that I have never experienced before. A pure madness for him, a sense of incompleteness when he is not around, a sense of life when he is happy. There is a feeling

He is big enough to talk and express himself. He is big enough to decide what he likes and what he does not. He is big enough to command me his wishes and big enough to say "I love you dadda". His every word is like lyrics of a song, his every action is a scene of a movie that I cant forget.

Good night stories are my favourite. We read books together where he animates the animals in the story. His expressive eyes, his cute smile and his tiny hands bring the story and me to life. When he narrates his own story, even though its the same one always, it feels new to me.

We are learning so much from each other. We are each others teacher. I teach him the daily chores of survival and he teaches me simplicity, innocence, being inquisite, freedom of expression,...
One can decide who is learning more from whom.

He will grow older, understand the world and people living in it and build his own perceptions. No matter how his perceptions will be, no matter how he makes the world a better place, I have a perception of what he means to me and how he has made my life a little better everyday.

Blue waters

Every wave of your smile, in the ocean of life
is like a drop of water, to my stillful soul
Sail me away in your winds of lust
to a horizon of dawn and dusk
Try me till you are short of breath
I will dive into your depths and come to rest
A sunny day, a stormy night
does not stop the forming of waves
A ageing body and timeless soul
does not stop to start smiling again

Now and then forever

Standing on a rail track
Seeking a life pack
With a happy honest sack

But the code is too tough to crack
It's not like something I lack
I have the nack
To pick something wrong from the stack
Always hiding, with no mindset to attack

Dream of serenity and a shack
With Wifi and my Mac
With enough to sleep and snack
With some whiskey and cognac
To keep it simple like white and black

Choices

Choices you make are like seasons
some bring rain, some sunshine without reasons
every cloud will give way to the light
choices from heart will never let you down
create your seasons and give wings to your dreams
happiness is not that far away as it seems

Search

A boat full of gold, still searching for treasure
a row of sorrow, a row of pleasure
Cutting through the storm to reach an island
where gold is exchanged for life
with a meaning yet undefined

Keep searching !!

Unafraid

Wrong or right don't matter anymore
I am turning blind eye to world with open arms
tears have dried up and people forgiven
cleaning up my life to make it mess again
so fond of disaster, it doesn't stop following me
goodness is on death bed, without dying
a door that cannot be closed, a story that cannot be told
I will open more doors and let the wounds be sore

Be what you are, anyways, there is no escape

Being alone is a feeling that can be enriching for some and scary for someone else based on the state of mind one is in. When one has so much to do which he or she does not like, having some alone time is the best thing that can happen. When one is left alone, suddenly tables turn and a longing for company is all one desires. What an Irony !!

Is it always like this in life. Why does it always seem so that grass is greener on the other side. How can one make peace with what he or she has in the present moment. How can someone be happy and become indifferent to the circumstances that one is in.

Some people say, if you don't give a damn about others, others opinion, others point of view, just be and do what you like then you will be happy.
Some people say, dedicate your life to others, others happiness, become the helping hand and support that others need, then you will be happy.
Some people say, Meditate, raise above the petty feelings, like hatred, competition, betrayal, etc.., just see everyone in the light of love, then you will be happy.
And so on.

I say, you are where you have to be. You think, what you are suppose to think. You decide, what you have already decided. You come into situations because you were supposed to be in that situation with that state of mind to perceive that situation and you act in that situation based on that perception.
One might argue, in such a case, everyone is correct in their sense and no one is wrong. A mosquito biting is correct for the mosquito, and killing the biting mosquito is correct for the one getting bitten. Thats life. Thats the nature of it. No one is equal but there seem to be a balance. We are just part of this balance and deeds we do is just trying to maintain that balance in the universe.